What If OverMaster Had Written Cupcakes?
by OverMaster
Summary: Nopony asked for it. Nopony wanted it. Yet, as with vulcanos, Black Plagues, sharknados and Seltzer and Friedberg movies, it happened. OverMaster, that lunatic, just wrote a take on the most... controversial Pony fanfic of all times and its spiritual successors. Why? No one can tell, not even him, but here it is anyway! Apologies to the original authors! Highly violent content.


_This Fanfic offers graphic scenes (although still not as graphic as the works it's parodying) of an over the top, intense violent nature. Reader discretion is heavily advised. Don't read this if you're a minor, Lauren Faust, or related to me._

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic _belongs to Hasbro. I am not making any money out of this lunacy._

_Any similarities between the characters in this story and any actual talking horses are purely coincidental._

* * *

**WHAT IF OVERMASTER HAD WRITTEN CUPCAKES?**

* * *

Rainbow Dash woke up slowly, with a strong headache. She tried to reach for an aspirin, but only to find out all her legs had been chained, strapped and restrained (my, aren't we feeling redundant today?) to a dirty operation table she lied on her back onto. She _hated it_ when that happened!

The table was rusty and completely stained by dry pony blood. It had to be pony blood; Rainbow Dash knew the smell all too well. She struggled against the binds and chains, but to no avail. They were just too strong for her, and besides, she was feeling weak, her strength sapped. Her head felt like it was spinning, and there were tiny bells ringing into her ears.

The last thing she remembered was eating a tasty cupcake Pinkie Pie had offered her, and then she had felt tired and fell asleep.

"Pinkie Pie..."

"You called?" the pink Earth pony happily pranced into the darkened room, her presence a colorful beam of light into the place's dreary blackness. She sported an even wider and sparklier than ever manic smile, and a softly lingering circus music, bubbly and wacky but with a subtle threatening edge, followed her around. "I'm glad to see you're okay, Rainbow Dash! Because you're feeling okay, right? It'd hate for you to feel ill during our private special friendship party!"

Rainbow Dash looked all around, now the just opened door Pinkie had gone through had allowed more light to seep into the chamber of horrors. Trixie hung from a wall, also suspended on chains, unconscious but breathing weakly. Others around her weren't so fortunate. There were random bloody body parts hanging everywhere, several of them on meat hooks. Other parts poked out of pots where they floated into thick pools of their own blood. A myriad terrifying instruments of torture and death rested all across the room, along with S&M material and pictures of _Filly Funtasia_, adding to the unspeakable horror.

"Oh my Celestia! Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash gasped. "W-What are you doing here? And why are you wearing... THAT?-!"

Pinkie looked down at the apron she was wearing, made of flesh from flanks stitched together, showing their Cutie Marks. "Oh, this? Don't you love it? I made it myself! I'm no Rarity, but I like to think I did okay! You shouldn't let anything to waste, that's my motto. Well, one of them anyway. With this, I feel like I'm with all these friends forever! Now, sorry to bring you here that way, but it had to be a surprise party."

"W-What kind of party?" Rainbow Dash stuttered.

"Why, a cupcake-making party, of course!" Pinkie grinned, flashing out a huge machete. "I know you aren't very good at cooking, but don't worry, you'll still help me greatly with minimal effort! So we all win, and-"

"GAH!" Rainbow Dash yelled, taking a better look at the apron. "I recognize those Cutie Marks! Silver Streak! Dancing Sunlight! April Rain! Fairweather! How did you-!"

Pinkie looked somewhat contrite now, lowering her head. "Um, well, you'll see, I have some contacts in the Rainbow Factory, so-"

"You do? Pinkie Pie! How could you! If you know that much, you know all those losers are used to make rainbows for Equestria! I'm ashamed of you! Murdering ponies to bake pastries is one thing, but you're defrauding the system! I took great pride on the Rainbow Factory! You shouldn't have stolen products from us!"

"But-! But-!"

"No buts! You've been slipping us inferior replacement products, haven't you? No wonder I felt like the quality had been getting lower lately! And here I thought it was due to the rejected being worse each year! What kind of meat have you been-"

"... bunny flesh," Pinkie offered meekly.

"Bunnies! Everyone knows bunnies make horrible, low quality rainbows! Pinkie Pie, you've been a selfish bad friend! Thanks to you, the rainbows in Equestria aren't as bright anymore!"

"I... I'm sorry!" Pinkie bawled. "I'm just a weak Earth pony, and I can't tackle unicorns! I can't reach up for pegasi! Hunting is difficult for me! And foals offer too little meat!"

"Whaddya mean you can't tackle unicorns? You have Trixie right there!"

"Yes, yes, but, but Trixie's a weakling of a failure!"

Trixie opened an eye. "HEY!"

"And besides!" Rainbow Dash continued, "We're close friends! Comadres! Best buddies! Heterosexual Life Partners! Didn't you have a whole village of ponies to go through before taking me down here?"

"... heterosexual?-!" Pinkie looked genuinely shocked.

"... yes, I am. Answer my question."

"But, but I thought you, and I, well, I... How will I be able to rape your corpse now, if you're heterosexual?-! BWAAAAAAA!" she broke into over the top hysterics.

"Answer my motherfucking Celestiadamn question!"

"- But, but you ARE special to me! Very dear!" Pinkie sobbed. "That's why I was going to sell your cupcakes at THRICE the normal price!"

"Thrice? Celestiadamn whore, I'm worth ten times as much as the average pony!"

"I know, but not even at Canterlot would they buy them then, unless I made them of Princess Cadance!"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" the door to the basement was slammed open, and in marched down a very angry Twilight Sparkle, horn glowing. "Pinkie Pie, you're under arrest over this blatant violation of Equestrian laws!"

Trixie rolled her eyes. "Oh, here comes, the all knowing, all righteous Twilight Sparkle again..."

"You know any new venue of business must be submitted to royal examination before being approved, Pinkie Pie!" Twilight lectured, completely ignoring Trixie, who began muttering sourly. "Furthermore, not only you are taking valuable ingredients from the Rainbow Factory illegally, but you aren't supplying me with the stipulated share of bodies for experimentation and development!"

Rainbow Dash gasped. "Wait, wait, you knew about the Rainbow Factory?-!"

Twilight gave her a condescending look. "Bitch, please, you didn't think all those new books bought themselves without some sweet bribe money, did you? I mean, my official salary is so small, it all goes on lab implements and whores."

"You never called!" Trixie shouted, offended as fuck. "You know The Great Yet Cheap Trixie offers the best prices in Equestria, yet you never called! What, is the powerful and beloved Princess Mary Sue too good for The Great Yet Cheap Trixie?"

Twilight frowned. "Pinkie Pie, please."

"Okie-dokie!" Pinkie said, taking a cleaver and chopping Trixie's legs off in a single mighty swing.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Trixie yelled, but at least she wasn't ranting anymore.

Cheerilee burst in, looking even angrier than Twilight. "I fucking KNEW IT! You corrupting pernicious influences on Ponyville's youth are at it again! You're always lazing around with your stupid parties and your random torture! You're so irresponsible, you weren't even there when I was killing all those devilish, deviant foals in the End of Summer party! What kind of local heroes are you? True, I was justified on getting rid of those awful devil foals, and it wasn't like I did it for kicks or anything, but still, you should have at least bothered to try and stop me, then falling into the death traps I prepared for you with so much hard work.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Trixie yelled, but at least she wasn't ranting anymore.

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes, sighed tiredly, and levitated one of Pinkie's knives, tossing it across Cheerilee's skull.

"Oooohhh, good choice!" Pinkie clapped. "The Blackhorse and Decker model 521, aka Mr. Merry! You're a true connoisseur, Twilight!"

"Well, duh," Twilight said. "I've been practicing under the Princess since I learned to walk, after all."

"Gay," Rainbow Dash said.

"Shut up, you."

Fluttershy walked in through the same door, almost stumbling. "Oh, I'm very sorry, Cheerilee's bleeding corpse. I hadn't seen you here," she bowed for it, before telling the other mares, "Why don't we, I mean, um, why don't we stop playing these mean games and play something pretty, like being my diaper-wearing adult fillies? You'll even be able to wet yourselves without worrying about that nasty potty that could swallow you down, and I'll change you for you, and I'll gladly powder your-"

"For the last time, Fluttershy, no," Twilight said patiently. "We're big mares now, and we're doing big mare things."

"Ohh..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Trixie yelled, but at least she wasn't ranting anymore.

Rarity came in next, pushing Fluttershy down the stairs and into her skull splattered against the floor demise, with naught but a single neigh. "Oh, here are all of you! Pinkie Pie, what an ab-so-lutely awful place you have here! Seriously! It's all like icky and gross! Everypony knows you shouldn't leave body parts around while working on new bodies. Finish what you started before moving on to others! Ahhhh! And your apron! All those colors clash horribly! Look at yourself!" she grabbed the apron and tugged on it. "It's hideous! You should have consulted me before... Wait a minute, this isn't even genuine pony flesh! It's unthinkable! A fake!"

"What? Wait, now you're even falling long enough to fake it to your friends?" Rainbow Dash accused.

Pinkie's eyes began twitching. "Um, well, you see, I couldn't get any, I mean, what are you, why are you, you know we, we all are-"

"Hello, y'all!" Applejack said, walking in as well. "So this is where you were hiding! Haven't y'all seen Apple Bloom? Last time ah saw her, she was walking away with Big Mac, and now he's back drenched in red an' won't tell me..."

She stared at everypony. Everypony stared back.

With very round eyes and shrunk down pupils, Applejack quickly backed away.

"Ah'll come back another day," she promised, before slamming the door, and heavy hooves on the run were heard.

"- pussy," Rarity sneered.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Trixie yelled, but at least she wasn't ranting anymore.

There was a huge hole blown on a wall, and a blast shot through a long alicorn horn made Rarity explode in the spot. Princess Celestia entered, wings fully deployed, in all her fearsome furious glory. "PONIES! After a long, grueling torture session, Spike confessed your deviancies before expiring! You are to be punished for not delivering video proof of your actions for the royal library of Celestial Private Time Entertainment! Why, I am so disappointed, after killing you, I will raze the whole kingdom to ashes! Bloody ashes, naturally. Then I will focus all of my unending rage on the new, burning world I shall create from the-"

Pinkie Pie tossed a knife into her throat, then slammed a bowling ball down on her head, showering everyone with gore. Then she stuck her tongue out to Twilight. "Outdo that, Princess Mary Sue!"

"Gladly," Twilight said, right before slamming her horn into Pinkie's throat, then twisting it inside.

"Ooohhhh, ggggoooddd onnneeeeee..." Pinkie approved between spastic gurgles and a vomit of blood on Twilight's face, before collapsing limply at her feet.

"AHHHHH- Heh, heh, she called you Mary Su-" Trixie said before finally dying of blood loss.

Twilight Sparkle sighed, began wiping her face clean, and then died when Pinkie Pie shot herself up, sliced her head of with an axe pulled from Hammerspace, and collapsed dead on top of her body.

Rainbow Dash, blinking, saw how all the dead bodies slowly began to shrink down and blacken, one by one, until all there was splattered across the red soaked floor was a collection of twisted, lifeless dark bodies.

And then, had this been a cartoon or movie, the camera would have pulled up over the 'basement'. Which, in truth, seemed to be a set of sorts, over which presided a wide, shadowy chamber filled with Changelings taking frantic notes and fearfully whispering to each other.

Queen Chrysalis gave the Changeling with glasses and a lab coat next to her an icy, merciless stare.

"W-Well..." said Changeling rasped, "As you can see, Your All Encompassing Sinister Majesty, they still haven't _quite_ mastered how to act like the ponies they are supposed to replace, but once they do, I'm sure my plan will be able to reach complet-"

With a gruff sneer, the Queen lifted a hoof, then slammed it down on his head, over and over, until it was nothing but a red paste. Then she stomped away, angrily, with the rest of her minions opening a VERY WIDE path for her.

The Rainbow Dash Changeling blinked as everyone retreated, one by one. "Um, we're done here, right? Well, then how about someone puts me down... I mean... I passed my test, right? Didn't I? C'mon guys... Joe... Chuck... Roxie... Paul?"

The lights went down..

"… anypony?"

* * *

**The Ever Lovin' End!**


End file.
